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Caving

by Caving

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1.
Chore 04:45
At what point did I fuck this up I lost myself but I gained a crutch It’s so much harder than I thought it was Been spending my nights getting too fucked up I think I’m a mess, I think too much More dependent than I ever was There’s a train track Nestled between my house and work And I don’t stop at the stop sign I put my life in the hands of the universe If there’s a train let it take me If there’s a train then I guess that it’s my time And I gasp and I cringe and I hope and I dread And then it’s over, I’m on the other side Life’s a short trip You’re the pilot I’m not sure that I’m ready to land this thing yet I've always wanted to drown My odds are better in the water So if we go down I’m aiming for the ground I wanna set myself on fire Could you please watch See me burn as bright as I have always seen myself So you’ll know I’m not a liar So I can feel all the pain I've always thought I felt I keep ending up here on the floor At least in different rooms So at least I don’t get bored Oh, existing’s such a chore It's so strange how some days I end up stuck in bed and other days I don't get stuck until I reach the door Life’s a short trip You’re the pilot I’m not sure that I’m ready to land this thing yet I've always wanted to drown My odds are better in the water So if we go down I’m aiming for the ground Life’s a short trip You’re the pilot There's an answer and I'm sure we'll find it Try to be enough for myself You're so strong you don't need help It's so hard to rely on anyone else You're so strong you don't need help I tried to leave the house I stopped at four different gas stations Went back to the first and found the nerve to get out But when I finally made it in, couldn't decide what to get I went and hid in the bathroom, it's my favorite anxious habit Then I went back home, I gave up and got stoned I can hardly face the world, I sure as hell can't face it alone I'm holding out for something more, let's see what life has in store for me I'll try to keep breathing, but existing's such a chore So I am holding out for more, let’s see what life has in store for me I’ll try to keep breathing, but existing's such a chore
2.
I saw you twice in one night with tears in your eyes The second time we were standing on my back porch watching the rain, watching the sky You went on about the world being beautiful and how that made you emotional I couldn't help but think it was beautiful to see someone so passionate about life We couldn't see the stars but you said you could feel them I couldn't feel the stars but I felt something I wanna tell you that I think you're adorable But I think I'd rather you just kick me in the shins Cause I've never been in a relationship So by default I'm terrified and desperate Awkward and uncomfortable I don't want to be vulnerable again I'm so over the small talk and wondering Could you please just kiss me or crush this I spend too much time thinking of where I belong What could go right and what’s gonna go wrong It isn’t a matter of writing a song It’s pitching a plot line if you want to play along But this is more for me than I will ever lead on But this is more for me than I will ever lead on But this is more for me than I will ever lead on But this is more for me than I will ever lead on
3.
I am empty but I will Put these pills inside myself and make me whole So far they've just made me sick They're telling me I have a couple more weeks to go Making the phone call wasn’t so bad But sitting in that waiting room made me sick Questioning if I even belong here As I stared at my reflection and pretended to not exist I thought I could face this all by myself But here I am, giving in and getting help They think that my head is affecting my health They think that my head is affecting my health I work myself up my blood pressure’s too high I stopped eating salt ‘cause I’m too young to die There’s a point where it’s all in your head starts taking its toll On more than just your mind I am empty but I will Put these pills inside myself and make me whole So far they've just made me sick They're telling me I have a couple more weeks to go Of headaches and incessant sleeping A mix of nausea, lack of appetite, and dry heaving Blurred vision wasn’t on that list But now I’m running in circles and trying to fight this Spent twelve hours shaking went back to the doctor’s This is supposed to help me not make everything worse My head feels like lightning, my body’s the thunder Rumbling beneath me, oh, everything hurts So here’s what we’ll do, we will try something new We will find something that will work better for you So here’s what we’ll do, we will try something new We will find something that will work better for you I thought I could face this all by myself But here I am, giving in and getting help They think that my head is affecting my health They think that my head is affecting my health I work myself up my blood pressure’s too high I stopped eating salt ‘cause I’m too young to die There’s a point where it’s all in your head starts taking its toll On more than just your mind I am empty but I will Put these pills inside myself and make me whole So far they've just made me sick They're telling me I have a couple more weeks to go

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released October 7, 2016

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Caving Thayer, Indiana

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